Karaoke!
by Jayd Roze
Summary: It's Orihime's birthday and the gang goes to a karaoke bar. A handful of Shinigami join in on the fun. Hilarity ensues. Borderline crackfic. Vaguely implied pairings. Rating to be extra safe. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** This is a fun little piece that sprang forth from my twisted mind last week. I apologize in advance for any inconsistencies to real Japanese karaoke bars, but I based this story on my experience visiting a certain Japanese karaoke bar in New York City. I literally sat listening to my iPod, shuffling through the songs, wondering which characters would sing what songs. I nearly peed myself in my own self-amusement.

I've tried to pick songs that have been around a while and that most people would know (I did throw in a couple curve balls, though). If you come across a song you've never heard, I highly suggest you make a point to obtain a copy of it. (Or at least look up the music video.) It will add to the story's experience.

Yes, I realize that some of the stuff isn't accurate at all. For instance, they live in Japan, and they're at a Japanese karaoke bar, yet the songs are in English and were (to my immediate knowledge) mostly popular in the USA. This story was _NOT_ written to be accurate. It was written to be funny.

Oh, and I don't condone underage drinking. However, that's another one of the inaccuracies of my story.

This was originally meant to be a one-shot. However, I've been working on this story at a snail's pace, and I've been itching to get feedback on what I have so far. Also, I'm 6 pages in so far and am not even a quarter way through yet. Chapters it is.

On a final note, I don't own Bleach or its characters. I just like to have a little creative fun with them every now and then. :3

/ / / / / / / / / / /

It had all been Orihime's idea: a night out with the posse at the karaoke bar. Since her 16th birthday had been the week before, she considered this her party, and thus was able to innocently guilt all of her friends into coming along.

Ichigo, Orihime, Tatsuki, Uryu, Chad, Chizuru, Keigo, and Mizuiro slipped into the dark karaoke bar where some drunken bastard was in the middle of drawling out a badly butchered rendition of "Open Arms" by Journey. The group picked a few tables near the corner to occupy.

"Are you sure this is what you wanna do?" Tatsuki leaned into her best friend, glancing around uneasily at the inhabitants. Orihime nodded eagerly in response. Her loose pigtails bounced upon her shoulders, and her eyes glittered with excitement.

"It will be fun seeing who can sing and who can't, and watching everyone humiliate themselves!" She noted gleefully. Ichigo and Chad glanced at each other with mild looks of panic.

"How could I say no?" Ichigo muttered, propping his head in his hands as the wannabe Steve Perry finished his song, flashed a peace sign to no one in particular, and stumbled back to his seat at the bar. "It is technically her birthday party, after all."

"And her sweet sixteen, Kurosaki." Uryu added, pointing out the importance of this particular birthday. The number 53 came up on the flat-panel television screens. It was the drunken man's score.

"Wow… that kind of sucks." Mizuiro commented. He'd been watching the karaoke machine with mild interest.

"Hey, can I get you guys something to drink?" A peppy waitress approached, pen and pad in hand.

"A round of sake for everyone!" A jovial voice from somewhere behind the boys called. Everyone whirled around in their seats to see where the voice came from.

"Renji-kun! Rukia-chan! You guys came!" Orihime clapped cheerfully. "So glad you could make it!" She got up from her seat to give Rukia a hug.

"I brought along a few extra bodies, if you don't mind." Renji grinned. Rukia expressed some surprise, as if it was a secret she hadn't been let in on.

"You know what they say… the more, the merrier!" Orihime returned to her seat. Renji motioned to someone outside as the waitress eyed the somewhat dynamic new duo, then left to get the requested sake. Shortly after, Rangiku sauntered in, followed begrudgingly by Hitsugaya and Byakuya.

"Nii-sama!" Rukia became all starry-eyed at the sight of her adopted brother. "What are you doing here? I thought you said that this was the type of un-noble trash that you refused to dabble in…"

Byakuya looked away, slightly irritated. "Matsumoto is very convincing," was all of the curt excuse he offered. He cleared his throat after an awkward pause, and added, "Besides, I have to make sure no harm comes to you, little sister."

"You would do that for me, nii-sama?" Rukia clasped her hands together.

"Make sure you bring us extra sake," Matsumoto called after the waitress, conveniently ignoring the comment made about her persuasive abilities.

A few murmurs rose in the lightly-populated bar at the new cast of rather dynamic characters. Some of the men leered lustfully at the blonde woman with the huge tits. The waitress returned with a stack of shot glasses and a few bottles of sake.

"Excuse me, ma'am!" Orihime politely waved for the waitress's attention. "How does the karaoke work?" She pointed vaguely towards the machine and the big flat-screen televisions.

The waitress smiled. "Well, you're graded on how well you sing the song. The technology in these karaoke machines judges your pitch and if you're actually singing the right words. So technically, you can't just sing 'la la la' through the whole song. You then get a grade out of 100 points based on how well you did." She looked away briefly as another imbibed idiot got up and twanged some country song. "Tonight is your lucky night. We hold a contest on Fridays. Anyone who gets a 90 or better gets a free drink. Are you interested in participating in the karaoke?"

"Yeah!" Orihime was the only one in her immediate group who was genuinely thrilled. Rangiku also seemed somewhat excited, as did Rukia and Renji, and the rest of the crowd appeared to be no less than mortified. Except for Byakuya. For some reason, he always gave the impression that the universe bored the hell out of him.

The waitress smiled amusedly and brought out a few thick, heavily worn binders. "These are the song lists." She produced a small stack of what looked like business cards. "In order to perform a song, you need one of these. Normally we charge 1 a piece for them, but since you guys are new, you each get one free song." She passed a card out to each person. "Let me know if you need anything else!" She walked off to help another patron.

Orihime snatched up the first binder, Rangiku the second one, and Renji took the last one.

"So what are you gonna sing?" Ichigo jeered at Uryu.

"I _don't_ sing." Uryu pushed his glasses up – effectively blocking his eyes with the resulting glint – and maintained a thin-lipped face.

"Aw, Ishida-kun! Don't be a party pooper!" Orihime looked up from the binder that she, Tatsuki, and Chizuru were poring over to give him a doleful pout. Uryu reddened ever so slightly, but it was enough for Ichigo to notice. He laughed and elbowed the prudent Quincy in the ribs.

"So!" Rangiku clasped and rubbed her hands together. "Who's going to go first?"

"Renji will!" Rukia volunteered, pointing at her partner. Renji choked on his sake and started to angrily protest.

"I'll go first!" Chizuru piped up, scribbling something on her card. "I already know what I want to sing, anyway." She grinned impishly at Orihime as she rose to hand in her card. Tatsuki gritted her teeth, knowing that this wouldn't end well. Nothing ever did when Chizuru was around.

The bartender punched the song information into the karaoke machine and handed Chizuru a microphone. The song started. It was "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. With every word of the song, Chizuru stared lustfully at Orihime. She was practically singing it _to_ her. Tatsuki felt her face get hot with rage, but she remained outwardly composed.

"Haha, what's with her?" Renji pointed a thumb at the girl singing as he chortled at Hitsugaya. The short captain's brow knitted together as he sat and sipped responsibly at his sake. As Renji elbowed him jokingly, Hitsugaya returned the gesture with a distasteful glare.

Realizing what was actually going on, and hearing the lyrics to the song being sang, Orihime turned a bright shade of pink and buried her face in the karaoke song book.

The song ended, and Chizuru gripped the microphone to her chest, eagerly awaiting her score. 77. Her face fell dejectedly, as she returned the microphone and retreated to her seat, followed by a scattered applause from around the bar.

"How'd you like my singing, 'Hime?" Chizuru leered at Orihime, leaning into her. Tatsuki balled up her fist and waved it at the crazed girl, causing her to back off slightly.

"Um… uh… it was good. I guess." Orihime stammered, obviously rigid under Chizuru's close proximity.

"Get away from her, you perv!" Tatsuki growled, swiping at Chizuru.

"Aww…" Rangiku whined, looking over the song book she had in her possession. "She sang the song that I wanted to sing." She pouted, and abruptly plopped the book in Byakuya's lap. "Pick something for me." As Rangiku downed a bomb of sake, Byakuya stared incredulously at her. At least now he had something to occupy his apparently infinite boredom.

"Renji will go next." Rukia insisted, pointing at him again.

"No, I won't." Renji retorted, crossing his arms. "I don't know what I'm going to sing yet."

"That's a lame excuse Renji-" Rukia started to berate him, but she was interrupted.

"Me! I know what I want to sing!" Keigo hollered. He scrambled over the table – nearly knocking over some sake in the process – and practically threw his card at the bartender. The song was entered and Keigo snatched the mike possessively.

The song was Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby." Keigo's classmates groaned. Though most of the world's popular music was known in Soul Society, the looks on the Shinigami's faces showed that they weren't familiar with this particular rap ditty. Ichigo silently considered them lucky. However, the fact that they were all forced to watch Keigo's disjointed "dancing" while he rapped with white-boy-rhythm made them all the unluckiest people in the universe.

The song finished, much to the relief of everyone in the establishment. Keigo's score came up on the screen: 54.

"Aw, what the hell?!" Keigo exclaimed, reluctantly returning the microphone.

"That was awful, Asano-san." Mizuiro commented as Keigo plopped dejectedly down next to him.

"What? Why so cold?!" Keigo shrieked, curling up defensively.

"Asano-san, you embarrass me." Mizuiro had borrowed the karaoke volume from Renji and was casually flipping through it. Keigo wailed something unintelligible, and Uryu shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Feeling inspired, an older man on a date with his girlfriend handed in a card, and started singing the Beatles' "Michelle" to his giggly female companion. The rendition of the song was bad, but it was a breath of fresh air compared to the previous performer.

"What do you think Tatsuki-chan, should I sing this one?" Orihime asked, pointing to a song in the book. Tatsuki peered to the line where her best friend pointed.

"Do you think you _can_ sing that one?" Tatsuki asked with a hint of disbelief and a raised eyebrow. It wasn't that it was a particularly difficult song to sing, but it was a little more… mature than most of the music Tatsuki knew her buddy listened to.

"I sing it in the shower all the time." Orihime reassured. She paused for a moment, pondering the selection. "I will sing it."

"Oh? What is it?" Chizuru leaned dangerously close as Orihime scribbled on her card. Tatsuki growled threateningly, and Chizuru retreated. Orihime patiently waited until the man finished and received his less-than-satisfactory score. She handed in her card, took the microphone, and clutched it to her chest as "Kiss Me Deadly (As performed by Lita Ford)" came up on the screen.

Ichigo was attempting some sake as per Renji's pressured requests. He choked as Orihime started singing. Everyone gaped at her. She was good. Really good.

"Wow, who knew 'Hime could sing like that?" Keigo marveled, having suddenly and surprisingly regained his composure.

"Who knew she could move like that?" Ichigo echoed, referring to the way her body rocked in rhythm with the gritty 80's tune. He was staring, and obviously so.

"I didn't realize you admired Inoue-san in that way, Kurosaki." This time it was the Quincy's turn to jibe and jeer at his Shinigami adversary. He adjusted his frames, and the slightest smirk could be seen curling the corners of his lips.

"Shut up!" Ichigo muttered his retort as he quickly averted his eyes, turned an odd shade of red, and downed the rest of the sake he'd previously failed to drink. The burning sensation down his throat made him cough and sputter. He cursed to himself, muttering something about his reputation and looking like an idiot.

Orihime finished, and her score ended up being a whopping 91 points. She squealed happily, and bounced back to her seat. The waitress returned.

"Congratulations!" She praised, "You get a free drink!" Orihime stared blankly back at the woman, blinking a few times.

"I do…? Oh! I do!" Orihime thought for a moment. "Strawberry daiquiri please. Virgin." She pointed definitively in the air, and the waitress nodded in acknowledgement before she left to get the free drink. She returned a short while later with a huge, brimming glass of virgin strawberry daiquiri, complete with a decorative umbrella.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wow!" Orihime wondered aloud, ogling her drink, "It's huuuuge!" Tatsuki couldn't help but laugh at her best friend's awed reaction, as Orihime picked and prodded at the various decorations sticking out of her drink.

Someone started singing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful." The man was tall, lithe, and youthful. His dark bobbed hair was smooth and perfect, his clothes were designer, and there was a strong feminine quality to him. Well, feminine aside from the fact that he was singing Christina Aguilera, and quite well at that.

"Is that...?" Ichigo squinted. The current lighting made it difficult to discern details from across the bar, but the guy was definitely familiar.

"Oh! I didn't know they were here!" Rangiku exclaimed, seeming pleasantly surprised. A bald, well-built man in black jeans and a muscle shirt, who seemed to be wearing pink eye shadow, approached their group.

"'Sup, guys?" Ikkaku greeted. Keigo instantly recognized him, and hurriedly crawled under the table. He tearfully thanked the powers that be that his sister was studying abroad.

"Ikkaku! What are you doing here?" Renji rose from his seat and the two exchanged a rough, manly excuse for a hug. Ichigo nodded coolly in acknowledgement, and Ikkaku nodded in return.

"We're stationed in the real world for a while." Ikkaku explained, "Yumichika wanted to try out this karaoke thing. Looks like you guys got dragged into it, too? Whose idea was it?" He chuckled, eyeing Rangiku as the culprit. Imagine his surprise when Orihime waved an excited hand in his face.

"Me! My idea!" She beamed proudly. "It was my birthday last week, and this is my party!"

Ikkaku laughed. "Well, happy birthday then." He turned as Yumichika finished the song, and the score popped up. 93. Applause resounded through the bar.

"Thank you, thank you." Yumichika flipped his hair as he returned the microphone. "I'll take my cosmopolitan now, thank you." The bartender handed him a sophisticated-looking pink drink, and he came over to join Ikkaku.

"Well, well. If it isn't the beautiful people." Yumichika smiled briefly at his Soul Society friends, and sipped from his drink. Ichigo exchanged a nod with him, and Orihime was still too enamored with her tasty exotic frozen drink to pay much attention.

"I'm going to get another song card." Chizuru licked her lips, and attempted to climb over poor Orihime, much to the dismay of the unyielding Tatsuki.

"Oh no you don't." Tatsuki growled. She grabbed Chizuru by the collar and planted her firmly back in her seat.

"I have made a song selection." Chad suddenly spoke up, startling both Ichigo and Uryu, who sat on either side of him. Up until now, Chad had been pretty quiet, and had been carefully peering over at the song volume Renji and Rukia were poring through. Now he had writing on his card and was cautiously shuffling past his friends to hand in his selection. He took the mike, and a look of complete zen washed over him as the music for Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" began to play. His foot tapped along with the grungy beat, as his head swayed ever so slightly. His shaggy hair covered his eyes, and his lips were furtively pursed into something of a snarl as he started singing.

"Whoa… why's he so serious?" Renji wondered aloud. He raised a tattooed eyebrow as Chad transformed from the tall, quiet, and unusually strong high school student who wore too many Hawaiian shirts, to a dark, gritty front man for a grunge band.

"Probably because he's the only one out of all of us who's actually a musician." Ichigo explained nonchalantly, "He's _in_ a band."

"Oh." Renji scratched at his head, and poured himself another shot of sake. He glanced over at Byakuya, who, at the moment, was completely at the mercy of Rangiku. She had an arm around him, and was idly playing with his hair. Noticing that his captain was nearly at his breaking point, Renji quickly offered him some more sake. Byakuya gladly accepted.

Chad ended the song in a wild stance; his legs were far apart and bend slightly, his torso leaned forward, and both his hands gripped at the microphone that he slowly lowered from his downturned face. After a score of 89 appeared on the screen and a scattered applause, Chad resumed his calm demeanor and returned to his seat.

"That was exhilarating." He explained quietly to no one in particular as he folded his hands in his lap. "I think I may enjoy this karaoke business."

Suddenly, someone started singing Culture Club's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?," and it was rather awful. Actually, it was downright hideous to listen to.

"You've got to be kidding me." Rukia gawked at the swaying, crooning teenager with a pitch problem.

"How did he…? When did he…?" Ichigo pointed, but was unable to finish his sentences. He was as befuddled as everyone else was mortified.

Mizuiro sighed. "It wasn't my turn to watch him, guys. I stopped paying attention to Asano-san after he climbed under the table." He sent a text message, and then put his phone away.

"Someone ought to stop him before he makes a fool out of himself," Yumichika suggested, peering distastefully upon Keigo. "Doesn't he know he's _not_ Boy George? This really isn't beautiful to watch." He sipped from his cosmo and leaned against Ikkaku. Keigo continued on with the song, oblivious to the moans, groans, and various other objections being randomly shouted at him from throughout the bar.

"You're about fifteen years too late for that." Ichigo scoffed at the 11th squad's 5th seat, accepting a refill on his sake from Renji. He was truly embarrassed for Keigo, and the sheer humiliation he felt at the moment for having any association with him made the burning sake go down that much easier.

"AHHH!!" A shriek pierced through the noise; everything and everyone stopped. "MY BRAIN! IT HUUUUURTS!" Keigo abruptly stopped singing, and his eye twitched as he looked upon Orihime. She had both palms pressed to her forehead, and her face was wrought into an agonized expression.

"'Hime-chan!" Tatsuki hissed, horrified at her friend's apparent response to their classmate's performance.

"Go 'Hime!" Chizuru whooped, nudging Orihime's shoulder.

"Wow, who knew she had balls like that?" Rukia murmured.

"Inoue-san has balls?" Renji coughed, setting down his sake to give Rukia an incredulous stare.

"Shut up, idiot." Rukia retorted. "I meant figuratively, not literally." She thwacked Renji upside the head.

"Ow, bitch! Stop hitting me!" Renji roared, rubbing his head tenderly. The two continued to bicker loudly. Hitsugaya closed his eyes and sighed exasperatedly.

"You… you all hate me…?" The tears began to well up in Keigo's eyes. He dropped the microphone, and a brief moment of feedback was all that aided the karaoke music that continued to play without words.

"It hurts… so much!" Orihime continued, oblivious to the epic performance about to erupt from Keigo. "It feels like my brain is going to come out my nose!" Tatsuki tried to hush her, and Chizuru kept cheering her on.

"Traitors!" Keigo screamed, pointing accusingly. Tears bean to stream down his face of their own accord. "I thought you were my friends!" He ran around in a small circle for a minute screaming unintelligible things, before making a hasty exit of the establishment in a whirlwind of melodrama.

There was an awkward moment of silence, and then the bar exploded with applause.

By now, Culture Club had been switched off and someone else started to sing a contemporary pop tune. Ichigo cleared his throat, embarrassed now for Orihime and the weight of all the pairs of eyes currently on her. She writhed in pain for another few seconds, and then suddenly stopped, as if nothing had ever happened.

"'Hime, what got into you?" Tatsuki wondered.

"Oh, huh? Don't worry, Tatsuki-chan, it was just a brain freeze." Orihime replied cheerfully, pointing to her drink. "I drank it too fast."

* * *

**Author's note:** There you have it, chapter two. Not as long as chapter one, but it'll do. I'm taking suggestions for chapter 3, and if they're good, I just might use them! ^_^

Also, please review! Reviews make the world go 'round. :3


End file.
